We have a new home!

Hurrah!  We moved over to self-hosted a few months ago, and completely forgot to update this site.  Apparently giving birth, nursing babies, holidays, and general crazyness will do that to you.

The bad news is our subscribers couldn’t be transferred over, so to keep getting new posts delivered to your inbox you’ll have to subscribe again here: Domestique Manager’s New blog!

I’ve started doing book reviews , I wrote about Botox, Hemorrhoids, & Tequila, and how I trained my husband to wash toilets 🙂

As you can see I’ve been busy!  Please join me on this awesome ride I’m on!

 

Angele

A Parent’s 4-letter word

Colic

4-letter word used by parents to describe screaming banshees babies. How does one lose weight post-partum? “Bounce-2-3-4, Bounce-2-3-4”; Repeat. Often. Endlessly. For hours on end.

Join me nightly from midnight to 4 am as we embark on our daily colicky sessions. Who’s with me?

Chloe, our beautiful baby girl 🙂

Date Night: The Truth about Parenthood

Date night sure ain’t what it used to be!  Even with careful planning, it’s all in the execution.   You see – once you have kids, don’t believe it until you see it.

Dear & I planned a great evening out at the NAC – box tickets to Beauty & The Beast on Broadway, sitter for the kids, the whole shebang.  We both love musicals and the last one we’d seen together we were in high school.  Little did I know my hot date would be spent with my 6 year old.

Why?

Funny you should ask!  Most recently my ex and his wife suffered a terrible loss and my daughter was pretty upset over what happened.  We decided to give J-F’s ticket to Jasmine as a special ‘mommy-daughter-date-night’ surprise.

That’s right folks!  My hot date was with my 6 year old.

Don’t get me wrong – we had a great time!  The NAC is a wonderful place for date nights and mommy-daughter events alike.  They have a fantastic array of options from the ballet and classic theater (French and English) to variety events and children’s productions.  There were many little girls dressed up as Belle (pregnancy-brain: I never even thought of that!) and we bought souvenirs.  The best part?  We had a terrific view from our box seats and we managed to stay comfortable for the whole production.

So date night isn’t quite what it used to be, but whether with my spouse or my kids, the NAC is a great option.  You should check it out!

The Big Bang: A New Theory

Ladies, I have a secret to share with you. Gentlemen – cover your ears, you don’t want to hear this (just trust me on this one!)

Flawed Predictions

There’s an asteroid approaching earth and its closer than you may think.  It’s floating about 3 feet above ground level and its impending impact is causing distress amongst those closest to its center.

Ever wonder what caused the Big Bang?  I can tell you:  God was 20 months hugely uncomfortably pregnant with a bowling ball in Her arse and an arse in Her ribcage when an innocent toot sent asteroids exploding into the atmosphere.  The lethal mix of gas and matter is why we’re all here today.

Allow me to burst your bubble

See – it doesn’t matter whether you escaped the doughnut pillow in your first pregnancy, or even your second.  It doesn’t matter if you’ve had 2 c-sections.  And it really (REALLY) doesn’t matter that you’re ingesting so much fiber you can keep a village regular.  When that baby drops on your poor, weak pelvic floor all it takes is one lethal toot, an uncomfortable waddle to the water cooler, or any other seemingly innocuous action to make you feel like you’ve discovered the secrets of the Universe a.k.a the (shhhh…..) hemorrhoid!

Bottom line

Don’t get too comfortable… Remember the Ice Age?  That was Hell freezing over.

Normally my posts include real pictures  but when I used the editor to remove the red-eye all the files disappeared.

Now stop laughing before you piss your pants – we both know those kegels won’t help you here (and if you don’t know that yet… you’re about to find out!)

Jasmine’s Goodbye Letter To Her Sister Elly

Elly….

Je vais vraiment te manqué.

Maintenant tu es dans mon cœur et je t’aime beaucoup.

Elly, Je sais que tu va me manquer – et je vais te manquer aussi.  Ceci est ma chance de te dire que je t’aime.

Dear Elly,

I know you miss me and I miss you too, but I can see you in my heart because you will be in my heart forever.

Elly, I miss you and today I’m going to tell you that when I think of you I know you’ll be in my heart.

Elly, you’re my little sister and I really love you.

Every time I’m going to come see you I will write you a letter and bring it to you.

Whenever I look at your stone I’ll know you’re there and see you.

Elly, I am very sad because now I can’t give you hugs.

Goodbye and I love you,

Jasmine xox

In loving memory of Ellyson Ryleigh Bruyea, August 17th 2011 ~ October 2nd 2012

Thoughts and prayers go out to Jasmine’s Daddy & Mimi; may they find peace in their hearts in these difficult moments.

Editor’s Note:  These words are 100% those of my beautiful, brave, and strong 6 year old daughter Jasmine; I was simply transcribing her words as she dictated her letter to me.  On October 13th 2012 Jasmine read this letter at Elly’s Memorial Service in front of 100+ people.  I am incredibly proud of her.  Words of kindness and love can be left for Elly’s parents on a dedicated Facebook Page “Heaven Has Another Angel”.

50 Shades of Grey – Real Intimacy

Let’s talk about S – E – X.  ‘Cause I’m 30 weeks pregnant with our 3rd child and to my husband’s chagrin have no desire to partake in the kind of nooky that got us here.

Funny – being so busy with kids, family, business… I sometimes almost forget that I’m pregnant.  Not that one can forget an expanding arse, a giant pumpkin-sized tummy or the oh-so-wonderful pelvic pressure of a baby who’s decided to ‘drop’ early.  Rather, it’s almost as if at times this pregnancy has gone uncelebrated, or unnoticed.

I go about my day huffing and puffing like the swollen whale I feel like I’ve become and then it happens.  Our baby girl decides she’s no longer comfortable and starts to wiggle around, kicking & poking my insides.  An old 80’s song comes on the radio and suddenly she goes nuts!  The sugar rush we share when ‘we’ get a craving for a piece of chocolate.  Or those few quiet moments during the ultrasound where she turns around and I could have sworn she just waved at me, or puckered her lips up for a kiss.

Now that’s real intimacy.  Never mind the shenanigans that got me here in the first place.  And this being my 3rd pregnancy, I wonder if I’ll ever have this feeling again.  And that makes me kind of sad.

Meanwhile I enjoy these quiet intimate moments with my wee-one and look forward meeting her pretty little self.

*** The above picture is of our 28W4D ultrasound – this really is our little baby-girl’s foot!

I spent the night with Gordon Ramsay. Not what you think!

Pregnancy dreams.  Like ’em?  Love ’em?  Leave ’em?  I’ve heard of women getting incredibly sexy dreams.  Not me.  Nope.  I usually get nightmares.

Except last night.  Nope.  Last night was spent with Gordon Ramsay.  You’re probably thinking ‘ooohh – she finally got one of those sexy dreams’!  I wish (keep dreaming!).  At least it wasn’t a nightmare.

It was weird though.  Really weird.  I was working his personal assistant, and instead of bitching me out when I made mistakes, he smiled and flirted #weird. 

He flew me out to England on his personal jet (he even flew!) and I ended up assisting him in a kitchen.  He chauffeured me around Paris and then had me measure his apartment for new counters and a new washroom.  Except by then…. he looked like my step-dad.  What?

Yup.  All in all, a very weird dream.  Nothing sexy, no nightmares…. just…. weird.

So, I spent the night with Gordon Ramsay.  Who were you with last night?

It’s not where you’re going… it’s how you get there!

We hear it all the time.  “It’s not the destination, it’s the journey!”

I recently had the opportunity to travel to The Big Apple for the ultimate blogging conference, BlogHer’12.  But enough about the conference!  Can you say….

ROAD TRIP!!!!

It all started when 3 busy moms decided to drive down to New York for what promised to be a spectacular weekend away.  The drive was a bit of an annoyance long but it was definitely the most cost effective plan for all of us.  But whose car to take?  Ann‘s newer small sedan?  We’d be cramped but the gas mileage was good.  My slightly older gas-guzzling SUV?  We’d go broke but at least we’d be comfortable.

Barb had a better idea that would suit not only our desire for a cost efficient trip but also the need for space and comfort.  I’ll spare you the details, but bottom line is we ended up with a sponsorship from Dodge and we got to drive down in a fully loaded Dodge Caravan.

The plan was to leave at 5am Thursday morning and make it to NYC by afternoon.   By Wednesday afternoon we were all so excited that we decided to leave at 9pm.  That night.

It should have been impossible for 3 moms to leave the city a full 8 hours ahead of schedule, but miraculously it all came together and by 9pm we were on the road and there was more than enough space for us AND our stuff!

                                                                    

The fun begins!

Loaded with a basket full of goodies (Thank you, @ottawadodge!) we laughed, shared, and bonded over sappy stories memories crazy stuff women share when confined in small quarters.

Surprise!

I took the last driving shift around 3am.  Out of habit I checked how much gas we had left and I was surprised to see we had MORE than enough gas to make it all the way into Manhattan!  My current junk-bucket car won’t get me to Toronto on a full tank of gas, never mind NYC!  Being 22 weeks pregnant and carrying what looks like a watermelon under my shirt I appreciated the adjustable pedals.  I’ve been wanting to try those out for about 6 years now, but never had the opportunity.  Let me just say they did NOT disappoint!

Bottom Line?

The conference, the swag (Oh My God the SWAG!), the parties were just what this tired momma needed – even the touristy stuff!  But the best part was the drive down.  In full disclosure I don’t remember much about the drive back since I slept through most of it; I did manage to snag a picture of all our luggage, swag (and even stowaway swag!) before closing my eyes.

          

From one of us (I”m not saying who) getting hit on by border patrol, to midnight munchies, to getting lost in a rest station parking lot we made memories that will last us a lifetime.  The craziness of leaving early made us all feel like we were throwing caution to the wind;  we were no longer on the clock.  We had a blast, and it set the tone for the rest of the weekend.  I speak for myself when I say I left with a set schedule in mind and ignored it the minute we arrived in NYC.  I have absolutely no regrets.

And the best part?  It certainly wasn’t getting photographed with the New Year’s Eve ball.  It wasn’t being in NYC for the first time.  Surprisingly it wasn’t getting inspired with 5000 other bloggers.

Sometimes it really is about how you got there.

How Walgreens killed my NYC dreams

Tonight Walgreens killed my NYC dreams.  I found out when I arrived that I could have my picture taken with the NYE ball.  I was so excited for this picture op that it became my one and only ‘bucket list’ item for my trip:  I vowed I would not leave the city without getting that darn picture.

After BlogHer’12 ended I walked 20+ blocks to find the Walgreens.  I didn’t care that I had to pee.  I didn’t care that I was STARVING.  I didn’t care that I was beyond exhausted.  I was on a mission!

I Had A Dream…

You see, I’m a New Year’s baby.  In my childhood we celebrated my birthday alongside Dick Clark’s show.  The ball would drop, everyone would wish me a happy birthday, then we celebrated the new year.

It was always my dream to travel to NYC for my 18th birthday;  well, my 18th birthday came and went and I pushed my dream up by 2 years.  Unfortunately 9/11 put a kibosh on that idea and I no longer felt like traveling to Time Square on a major holiday.  With 2 kids and a 3rd on the way I’m likely never going to make it to the Big Apple for my birthday.

Whack!

After finally finding the coveted venue and trekking over to the 3rd floor I found the display.  You could choose up to 50 backgrounds to ‘throw yourself in’.  I asked the cashier if she could help me.  5 staff members later I’m advised that “the Representative di’int show up today” but that “he’ll be here ta-mo-rah”.  She had no clue why he “di-int’ show up, just that he wasn’t there;  she assured me once again he’d be at the ready by 10 am the next morning.

No, the schedule is not posted anywhere.  No, there’s no one else who knows how to work the machine.  No, we can’t guarantee he’ll show up tomorrow, but he should be there.

The dream has breathed its last breath.  I will now swallow my tears – and a thick slab of meat – as I reminisce on what could have been.

Goodbye New York, I shall miss you.  Sadly though, I think it is you who took a bite out of me.

Don’t you DARE pull the plug!

I noticed a random tweet in my stream yesterday – Something about a young BC woman who ‘dies for over one & a half hours’ and ‘comes back to tell the tale’.  My first thought is that this is another hoax story, but I’m intrigued so I click on the link.

The link brings me to an article in the Ottawa Citizen about Chelsie Thurlow.  I strongly recommend you read the article but long story short, her heard failed and doctors performed CPR for over 100 minutes before they were able to hook her up to a machine that would pump her heart for her followed by the insertion of medical device designed for that purpose.  Miraculously, she survived.  Not only did she survive, but she regained full neurological function.  WOW.

She recalls how she saw the doctors wheel her into the ambulance, how her mother’s voice brought her back from the warm an cozy place she was in.   How amazed she is that her 4 month old daughter still has a mother.

I may have shed a tear or two.  I may have been brought back to my childhood.

See, I had a terrible fear of dying in my sleep.  I would pray at night – but I knew you had to be careful what you wish for so I was always extra-specific:

Dear God and the Angels above,

Please help me sleep tonight and watch over me.  Please make sure that I wake up in the morning in this lifetime, this reality, this planet, this home, this family, this body.  Thank you.  Amen

My earliest memory of saying this prayer?  I was five.  I was in my early twenties when I first stopped reciting my request at bedtime.  A few weeks would go by and I’d notice I hadn’t said it in a while and would recite it then & there.

I was 28 when I stopped confirming to my mom: ‘See you / talk to you tomorrow’.  I figured if I said it it was real.  That was my personal guarantee that both of us would survive the night and wake up safe & sound.

Where this fear comes from?  I have no idea!  I’m no longer afraid of death – or rather, I’m no longer neurotic about it.  I will say one thing though – and I’ve said this for as long as I can remember:

If anything ever happens to me – anything at all – don’t you dare give up on me.  Don’t you DARE pull the plug.  Don’t you DARE think of not trying everything.  Because I WILL find a way to come back.  I know this.  I don’t know how I know this, I just do.  I don’t care if it takes me 100 minutes or 50 years – I will find my way back.

So don’t you DARE give up on me!